Alright. Here I go again. I know, I've started 5 million journals and never finish any of them. That's why I figured maybe this online one that I can't lose will do the trick. I don't know if anyone will ever read this other than myself. Maybe no one should since this is where I don't hold back. But maybe my lack of desire to find anyone to read this will protect me. Also the fact that I don't want to have to hold back for the public eye. Who knows. It is what it is.
I'm a complainer. Am I a complainer? I don't know, I haven't decided. But basically my idea of whether or not I like my job enough to stay changes, oh, everyday. I'm a nurse. I work in one of the biggest hospitals in Utah. And I work on the Maternity floor with postpartum women. It's a great job. I get paid well. And I only work three days a week which is full time. Sounds great right? NO.
Working 12 hour shifts is hell. Literal living hell. While most of the world wakes up at 7am, eats breakfast and then head to work at 9am, eats lunch at 12pm, and then finishes their work day and gets home for dinner by 6pm, I get to work through hell. I wake up at 6am. I don't eat breakfast because I'd rather sleep the extra 10 mins than eat. Boo hoo it's my own damn fault. Whatever and shut up. Then I go to work by 7am. There's never enough time for a real lunch, I can't leave my floor, and even if there is time I'm only allowed 30 mins. Then I go back to work. For how long after lunch you say? Oh ya, 8 more hours. When I get home from work by 8pm, it's a pretty fantastic work day. Oh, and did I mention that this is a GOOD day of work. How about this? I wake up and eat breakfast. Hang around until lunch. After lunch, go to bed. Wake up before dinner. Eat dinner. Go to work by 7pm. Then while all you lucky people enjoy your night and rest your head on your pillow, I'm at work. Awake. All night. Then by time the sun comes up and you are waking up again for work, I'm still here. Exhausted, nauseated, and cranky. Then I get home from work by 8am and try to go to sleep. By time I wake up, I feel so sick I have to debate calling in sick. But being sick like this is normal so of course I can't call in sick after every night shift or I'll never work.
Seriously, I hate working night shifts more than anything in this world. Every time I am driving to work for a night shift I dream about having a Mon-Fri 9-5 kind of job. Who in their right mind would work shifts like this? But then again, could I survive working 5 days a week? Man. I don't think I can survive working in general. Period. I hate working. I know, I know everyone hates working. But I don't think most people hate working with the same hatred that I have.
What do I do about my job? I like my job in all reality. I just hate the schedule. More than anything in the world. I've been diagnosed with Hypertension and I'm only 24 years old. And I'm pretty sure night shifts are to blame. I don't know. But night shifts feel like it would be their fault. When I work nights, I pretty much hate the whole world too, not just the night shifts. I turn into this depressed monster that can't see any sunshine or happiness in life. It just does not exist on night shifts. Is that normal? Doesn't feeling like that instantly qualify me for being someone who is just not allowed to work night shifts for the sake of humanity?
We are getting a new manager in a few weeks. I wonder if she will let me go to day shifts. Or should I get a new job? That question comes up consistantly every few weeks or so. Will it be like that forever? I should be going home from work in 10 mins like the rest of the world does after their 8hr work day. But I still have four more hours until the next shift even shows up and then I have to spend an hour giving them a full report of all my patients. So 5 more hours. When I've already been here 8. See. Living hell right now people. Being a hospital working nurse means hell.
